Looking for Love: Why Matchmakers Don’t Work
Photo by Gift Habeshaw
Originally Posted On: Looking for Love: Why Matchmakers Don’t Work – Soul to Soul Global
Have you given up looking for love? Do you feel tired by the constant search and disappointment when trying to locate a partner? You are not alone, and in the fast, modern, digital age it can be hard to find solid relationships that last.
Love coaches, dating coaches, and relationship coaches all offer something that matchmakers do not. Helping you cultivate a confidence and a strength that comes from within, helping you grow as a person. Below, we discuss why you should dump modern dating methods and find a relationship guru instead.
Why Don’t Matchmakers Work When Looking for Love?
Modern matchmakers and methods do work, in very occasional circumstances. However, for most people, plowing through hundreds of dates and failed short term romances can be very exhausting and hard on the self-esteem. There are several reasons why these methods do not work. In this article, we will discuss just some of them.
You Can Not Make Someone Fall in Love with You
The first reason matchmakers do not work is that you cannot make someone fall in love with you. Just like any relationship, forcing the parameters does not work, and can actually have an adverse impact. You can state what your ideal partner is and you may even find them, but it does not mean that you are ideal for them.
This is by no means a slight on you. It does not mean you are not clever, attractive, funny, or witty, it just means you are not the right match from their perspective. It can often be extremely hurtful when you are in this position, even if the other person did not mean to cause you any distress.
Finally, what we think our perfect partner is and what they actually are, can be two very different things. Many people fall in love with people they would not have considered as a partner, as they realize the things they value and hold dear are not actually what they expected. Therefore, if many of us are not even aware of what we really desire, how can we look out for it?
Your Expectations May Be Misguided
Happiness, and love, are not products. In a society where we have learned to buy everything from a webpage or shelf in the store, we have assumed we can do the same with love. But putting money into an app, dating site or matchmaker is not going to guarantee an outcome like buying a new phone or pair of sneakers from a website will.
That is because happiness needs to be worked at and come from inside yourself. Only then will you find love. Paying to have matches found for you is not solving the problem, it is just a way of bringing you into contact with people who will inevitably bring heartache and disappointment because you have not made changes yourself.
They Encourage Holding Back the Whole Truth
The nature of a matchmaker’s service discourages the whole truth in the hopes you sound like a better catch. The truth is that most of the qualities that make us unique, great people, are not the ones that make us sound exciting and vibrant on paper. Even those with the best of intentions will find themselves bending the truth when filling in a dating profile.
The most common mistake many people make is downplaying their own age. This can either be giving a wrong age outright or belittling themselves by saying they look younger. How can people expect to match if no one is honest about their age group?
The use of the image is also a contentious one, as people opt for unrealistic portrayals of themself. These can either be photos of them taken a long time ago in a bid to appear younger or flattering photos that have been technologically enhanced. It is extremely easy to make ourselves look any age we like using a mobile phone, and many people choose to do so on a profile.
This is not reality, and it will inevitably lead to disappointment. On a matchmaker service full of people doing the same, it stands to reason that anyone would want to look just as good, if not better than the other profile pictures. Relationship coaching helps you do away with these superficial aspects of matchmaking.
They Do Not Help You as a Person
Finally, matchmakers do not help you as a person. All they do is provide someone with a variety of options to go on dates. If you have already arrived at a point where you are desperate enough to hire a matchmaker, its maybe important to pause for a moment and think about what you are doing. Perhaps what you really need is an internal reset. An opportunity to make some internal changes which will make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
At a basic level, you may need to improve your general dating skills. Perhaps nerves make you awkward and uncomfortable, or the perpetual disappointment of love has made you place some protective barriers. If this is the case, you need someone to notice this and help you change, and that kind of help can only come from a relationship coach.
Expectations may also be far too high on your end. In the perpetual search, you may have built up a picture of exactly what you want. Of all the billions of people in the world, you may have made one so specific, that a person like that may not even exist.
It can help to have a coach who can strip back these unrealistic expectations and see what you really want, not what you think you want. Are washboard abs on a company director really that necessary, or deep down do you just want someone who values honesty?
Finally, you may just need someone to help you slow down. Love takes time to grow and you need to know how to develop and guide it. If you are hopping from the first date to the next first date because you cannot find that love at first sight or that elusive instant spark, then perhaps it’s you who needs to change.
What Is a Dating Coach?
When considering a coach, the list of different types available can be daunting. While you know you probably don’t need a marriage or life coach, you may be struggling to work out the difference between a relationship and a love coach. Like most things in life, they will overlap slightly, but it is important to get someone who specializes in the discipline you are seeking.
A dating coach can help you in the process of finding love. They may discuss expectations, how to open up to people, and all manner of factors that impact the early stage of finding love. They will probably need to be the most honest and frank of all the coaches you meet, often in a very short period of time.
What Are the Differences Between a Relationship Coach and a Love Coach?
A relationship coach generally helps people who have already formed a relationship. They can help with marriages, setting relationship goals, and helping people overcome lost relationships such as divorce or grief. They are also not limited to romantic relationships and may help in family matters.
A love coach is a combination of both. They can deal with the early stages, helping you to find love, and then how to work on it and nurture it once it is yours. All of them are concerned with helping you achieve your goals over a period of time, as opposed to providing an out of the box solution.
How Can a Relationship Guru or Love Coach Help Me?
A relationship guru or love coach can help you in a number of ways. The main way will be to change your mindset, making you realize that love has to be worked at, instead of bought over the counter from a matchmaking service. The first benefit you will gain from this is a renewed sense of purpose and hope in your search for love.
One of the hardest parts when getting a coach is working out broken patterns in your dating and relationship techniques. Once you realize the mistakes and broken patterns you are repeating, you can work to change them. Fixing the root of the problem can help your forge and build upon encounters in the future.
You will also come to read people better if you can follow the advice of your coach. Understanding other people and their motivations can build deeper connections. It can also prevent you from wasting time on partners that will be going nowhere, and help you identify potential love that you may have missed before.
This will lead to all-around better communication skills. Effective and positive communications mean that you no longer have to hide your feelings or hold back emotions.
Finally, the confidence provided by a love coach will spread throughout your life and assist you in your other relationships. These could be with friends, family, and colleagues. All of this will bring you a more rounded and fulfilled life.
Start the Change Today
Now we have convinced you about the value of a dating coach, what are you waiting for? As a strong, intelligent, modern woman you know that the only person who can facilitate change is you. Contact a relationship guru today to start, so you can begin looking for love the right way.
For a professional relationship coach, come and join our 12-week signature program at Soul to Soul Global. Taught by professional love coach, Lucy Shahjahan, we teach women how to be their own soulmate so they can attract love for themselves. Contact us here to get started on the most transformative journey of your life.