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Your Lover Is Mad At You-- What Do You Do Now?  by: John Alanis In just about every moronic TV sit-com there's an episode about the male character doing something dumb and making his lover mad. How does he deal with it? By buying her flowers or other gifts and groveling for forgiveness. Is this what you should do when the lover in your life is unhappy with you? Or is there another, better way? (As a quick aside, why don't these TV shows ever show the man getting pissed at the woman, with her trying to figure out how to make it up to him?) If a woman gets mad at you, the last thing you want to do is try to make her feel better by buying her gifts or flowers. If you do that, you will link those to negative experiences, and whenever you give her gifts or flowers in other circumstances, those bad feelings will resurface. If she's mad at you, the first thing to do is examine your behavior, and see if there's a good reason for it. If not, and there are other things in her life making her mad, pay little attention to it, and the mood will pass. Nothing wrong with comforting her, but don't get into the habit of enabling bad behavior. The other thing to do is to avoid any type of argument--no one every wins an argument, they only remember the bad feelings they bring up. If your lover wants to argue, simply defer discussion until she is in a better mood--then stick to it. Understand that all moods eventually pass. No matter how mad she is now, she'll be better in a few days, regardless of whether you give your lover flowers or candy or anything else. And if you did something dumb to cause that mood, the best thing you can do is simply not engage in that behavior again. Apologizing is fine, but you'd better back that up with action--too many people think apologizing gives them license to misbehave. It most certainly does not--if you screwed up, fix it, move on, and don't screw up again. That's the best way to make sure your lover's not mad at you in the future. About The Author John Alanis, "The King of Let 'em Come to You", is author of the "Women Approach You" system, and runs http://www.lanelover.com This article was posted on August 21, 2006 Read More Articles from the "Relationships" Category: Online Dating Etiquette by Nathalie Fiset, M.D. Should I Date Someone Who Is Married? by Nocita Carter What Effect Does a High Divorce Rate Have on Society? by James Walsh Ten Tips to Play Together, and Stay Together by Dan Ohler Online Dating-Is She Playing You? by Vivian Johnson The Benefits of Free Online Dating for Single Parents by Joe Davidson In Divorce, Women No Longer Have All the Power by Howard Iken The Power Of Intimacy: Overcoming Barriers to Deep and Lasting Closeness by William DeFoore Why Online Dating Is The Opium Of The Masses by Jon White String Quartet vs. Jazz for Your Las Vegas Wedding Music by Renae Judkins << Back to "Relationships" Index

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