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Dating Coaching
I could sure have used some dating coaching when I was a kid. I can remember how scary it was to want to call or go visit Gwen when I was a about 13, and how hard it was to muster up the nerve. Or later on when I was 'going steady' with Kathy on Friday at the end of school, but she was going steady with DuWayne when school started on Monday, and how devastating that felt. And then there were the innumerable crushes throughout high school, and college, and dates and relationships, none of which lasted. I always had some vague fear that I was not quite doing it right, everyone else was married, with kids, but not me. So a dating coach would have been a good thing for no other reason than to allay my fears about whether I was on track or not. Given the benefit of my years now, and a marriage and children, I do not think there is any one way to do relationship, so a dating coach would simply help me be clear about what I wanted to do in terms of my own feelings. Perhaps a dating coach today would introduce me to the "love" (sounds so lurid) model of Helen Fisher,Ph.D. which is based on fMRI imaging and the analysis of over 28,000 personality profiles, or maybe a love coach would teach me that managing my heart beat would lead to wiser decisions, and the heart rate variability biofeedback program is the perfect tool for that affiliative and cooperative heart. Dr. Fisher's work indicates that there is chemistry between folks, and if I begin my dating with someone I have chemistry with, I can eliminate some of the headaches of dating. Never thought that science could quantify an experience that has inspired humans to their greatest nobility or depravity? Well, we Dr. Fisher is doing some very amazing work with fMRI, and those who try out the personality profile can benefit. If you look to the marriage counseling people, like John and Julie Schwartz-Gottman, who have created a model for couples based on their study of the Masters of Marriage, nurturing positive feelings is a key piece of what I do for me, inside of me, that makes chemistry work. The heart rate variability biofeedback tool that I recommend can be mastered in about six to ten 1/2 hour practices, and that practice will allow me to cue a coherent heart rate on demand, with all kinds of health and brain fitness and marital benefits. One of the most important dating coaching skills I would teach these days is how to listen. I remember as a kid I was very much into demonstrating athletic prowess and physical strength to potential mates. I was always mystified by the lack of response to my athletic skills, until much later in my life when I began to understand that listening was much more important in relationship than talking, communication much more important in any relationship than posturing. The payoff for a deep connection is incredibly valuable for my sense of well being, so if listening is part of that, then I will do it, and I hope any dating coach worth his or her salt will teach the discreet steps of listening and "I" statements.
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