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Should I Shop Online Or Offline? A Shoppers' Guide  by: Steve Hawker I went shopping with my wife the other day, to a British city centre nearby. My ordeal lasted ten hours. During many idle moments, I compiled this rough guide for shoppers who are unsure whether to shop online or offline in future. I decided that shoppers SHOULD shop offline, at a nearby shopping centre, if they: * Enjoy getting up early, to drive through slow-moving traffic and secure cheap parking places. * Aren't too worried if their parked cars are scratched or bumped anonymously whilst they're out shopping. * Thrive outdoors in the British climate, and are impervious to rain, hail, snow, wind, heat, frost, fog etc. * Welcome walking from shop to shop, to find what they or their partner needs, at the best prices. * Don't panic when their partner says that s/he wants to try an eighth store for a 'special something'. * Like driving and/or walking back to stores, if goods are faulty, the wrong size or they forget something. * View the carrying of heavy plastic bags, which slice into their hands, as a form of exercise. * See avoiding pickpockets, thieves and robbers as a bit of 'sport' too. * Tolerate sinister young men with a taste for beer, lurking in boisterous groups on street corners. * Humour young parents with 4x4 buggies and/or unruly, unrestrained toddlers that scream loudly. * Think retired people should only go shopping at the weekends and in the evenings, at the same time as people who work. * Believe wide friends have the right to amble slowly side-by-side, in ways that block pavements and passageways. * Don't mind being buffeted by other hungry shoppers, also trying to secure tables at eating outlets. * Shrug-off the astronomic prices in shopping centres, for snacks and drinks of indifferent quality. * Enjoy dodging cars, vans and lorries, and feel they belong in city centres during shopping hours. * Think that second-hand cigarette smoke and vehicle fumes add a 'certain something' to shopping. * Relish sharing strangers' viruses, bacteria, body odours, exotic language, odd habits etc. * Are tolerant of shop assistants' occasional bad manners, surly behaviour and incompetence. * Like queuing, smelly toilets and litter, and/or removing dog mess and chewing gum from shoes or buggy wheels. * Enjoy finding quiet spots in otherwise confined, crowded and claustrophobic public spaces. * Think graffiti really is an art form, and smile when shop maintenance goes unattended for weeks. * Shrug their shoulders if shops open only when it's convenient for owners, staff (and politicians). * Remove carefully the flyers left furtively under their windscreen wipers whilst parked and read them avidly later. I could go on but, if you identify yourself with most of these phenomena, then you probably should shop at a shopping centre nearby. If, like me though, you find many of them irksome, you might consider shopping online instead next time! About The Author Steve Hawker is a partner at http://www.ehawker.co.uk E-mail him at: info at ehawker.co.uk © Steve Hawker 2005. All rights reserved. This article must be reproduced in its entirity, including this biography. This article was posted on November 10, 2005   View More Videos from the "Humor" category: Stephen McCauley Talks About Insignificant Others Interview with Comedian David Hemstad Street Fighter Jet Lag (IGN Originals) Barbie Dolls Vs Bratz Dolls   Read More Articles from the "Humor" Category: Good Jokes by Tal Gur Where';s Wally by Betty Lane The Complete Melodious Mo And A Way To Go by Tom Attea Advice to King Dave of the Isle of Man by Louis Rosas-Guyon III Iran Continues To Star As The Mouse That Roared by Tom Attea A Few Bar and Nightclub Jokes by Nastasia Campanella The Worst Article Ever Written by Karen Fish It's Not My Fault....Whose Responsibility Is It Anyway? by Sue and Chuck DeFiore President Of Iran Questions Iran’s Right To Exist by Tom Attea Cheer-Leadership or "All I need to know about business I learned from Cheerleading" by Gisela McKay << Back to "Humor" Index

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